Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
