All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
