Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My vagina is very pro this idea
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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