Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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