You smell like stripper and shame
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Green mimosas i think yes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
