I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize