I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
