she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
