so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
