...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
