hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
