We named our party play list daddy issues
I've blown a few things in my day
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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