"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
