How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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