Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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