It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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