How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
