Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
