okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
