Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
