and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
