There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
