the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
