i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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