Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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