Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
