he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize