Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
