Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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