Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
