i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
