I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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