There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
