NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
