apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize