i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
