dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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