There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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