So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
