How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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