Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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