His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
