this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
