I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
