What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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