He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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