Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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