So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
