So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
