you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he thought i was a dude.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
there is another microwave in the elevator.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
