Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
