I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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