i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
