Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize