My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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