I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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