I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Boobs speak an international language.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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