she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
