first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
