That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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