There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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