so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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