Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
