I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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