I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
