She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
