Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Shame - the story of my life.
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