I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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