I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we made out on top of his cat.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
