Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
