i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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