You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just puked most of my soul out..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
