I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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