D3 body, D1 cock
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
