Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
