If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
