hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
