I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
