i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
