Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
