PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
